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Marvelous Monday with Lexi!

March 11, 2019

Marvelous Monday with Lexi: March 11th Edition!

Hello humans, another marvelous Monday is upon us again! Mommy has this week off for spring break, so she's going to try to catch up on some of the reading and review writing that she has neglected.

Tomorrow is a pretty big day for Mommy. Her disability hearing is set for tomorrow morning. She's a little nervous about it but her lawyer is pretty confident that she will be awarded disability. Keep your fingers crossed for her!

The timing of the hearing is auspicious; you may have noticed that Mommy and I have been MIA on the blog and on social media. This is because Mommy is currently going through a rough patch. The Prazosin Mommy takes every night doesn't prevent her from having bad dreams, it just keeps them from escalating into night terrors, and she's been having a lot of bad dreams lately. Mommy's energy level is low and she is feeling depressed. 

Some of the issues she's having are related to the stress of moving out on her own and basically starting from scratch. Other issues are work-related and she's being told by job development and one of her caseworkers that "everybody" encounters these issues, and she needs to learn how to cope with these issues. While Mommy isn't denying that the issues she deals with at work are common and that she needs to cope with those issues, she is frustrated because she sought help to find a job in a "safe" environment. An environment where she isn't overwhelmed with several issues at once and, if such an environment couldn't be found, she thought she would get assistance in discussing with her employer ways to make the work environment feel safe. 

The agencies who are supposed to be helping Mommy don't seem to understand the differences PTSD, and C-PTSD (She's been diagnosed with C-PTSD). Her ability to sustain emotional regulation and maintain relationships is finite, some days it is more finite than others because her energy level somedays is lower than others. When she says she can't change her schedule or handle something, the caseworkers tell her that she is being "too rigid." The thing is, she isn't being "too rigid" because she wants to be a petty asshole, she's being rigid because she is feeling overwhelmed or depressed (or both) and she is desperately wanting to find her way back to a safe place where she has some control over herself and the situation.

What it comes down to is that Mommy may not be able to work for an organization right now. There are so many stressors and triggers that she has to deal with at work, which isn't a controlled environment, and she's trying to learn how to cope with each one all at once. Work isn't a safe environment where she feels empowered and in control of her life; actually, work takes this away from her, leaving her feeling uncertain, fearful, and anxious. These feelings of uncertainty, fear, and anxiety either lead to anger or depression. At this point, Mommy wavers between telling her caseworkers (not her psychologist) to piss off or telling them what they want to hear because they aren't listening to her anyway. 

This is the place that Mommy is in right now, so we both ask for your patience and understanding while she works through this. This means that she isn't going to be online as often as she usually is, she's not going to read as much as she usually does, she's going to have trouble writing reviews because she is having trouble focusing, and there are going to be times when she doesn't share a post on Monday or a review every week.

Since Mommy does have deadlines to meet, her "Up Next" and "Currently Reading" lists are constantly being reworked to accommodate her needs. As such, I'm not going to highlight specific books in this week's post; however, Mommy does keep these lists updated on Goodreads. If you'd like to see what she's currently reading and what she's going to read next, just click on the buttons below.

Currently Reading Up Next

Have a marvelous Monday and an amazing week!

Licks and wags,

On My Kindle BR, Marvelous Monday with Lexi: 3/11/19